I should have known something was awry when I got these heads, months apart, a year (2?) ago (time slips and I'm too lazy to look back through thousands of pictures to figure out how long these heads have been hanging at the foot of my bed staring at me).
It should have been a huge red flag that something was wrong. A dear friend (who is great for giving me the necessary nudges I need) and I discussed it the other day on the phone and I took them down while we were still on the phone, trying to figure out why I would let them be there, staring at me, when I really didn't like them, hadn't liked them when I bought them. Frankly I was mystified at the time of the animal print obsession when it began and remain just as befuddled today, as Batman sweeps through the house the way the animal prints did, except I like Batman--we all love Batman, so it totally makes sense, especially when we've been collecting Batman for 25 years. And we don't have near the amount of Batman that we do animal print.
The heads are still down and a Batman poster is up in its place. It's a little freaky, what with the hand reaching for me, but it beats the hell out of the heads staring at me.
I even tried to make it work for the blog.
Too many damned eyes.
I can kinda understand why I bought the heads in a "how many people would have these" way; sure, it's cool but what the heck do you do with them? Especially now that they are no longer hanging up? They are life sized, after all.
Okay, this is an option.
I'm ambivalent looking at them--glad that I gave myself permission to take them down rather than continuing to dwell in sunk-cost fallacy or the idea that taking them down would be admitting I was wrong to buy them in the first place. I had to accept it was okay to admit I didn't really understand buying them and didn't really like them there or anywhere.
In the end, I'll probably move them outside to the garden as part of some weird tableau or see if I can get Rick to hang them outside the front door so people know what they're in for as they walk up the steps. And by moving them outside, I would be one step closer to getting rid of them. I think we could count that progress.
To get here, though, meant recognizing and admitting I had a shopping problem--that I was using getting stuff to cover up unhappiness. It took several months to admit that and over a year living with depression to get there, and finally to getting help consolidating our debt and cutting up our credit cards so I would be forced to choose more adaptive ways of dealing with stress.
It's been two months without the cards. Can you imagine that? That's huge. As huge as taking the stupid heads down.
Now if I can resolve my ambivalence on the heads and let them go entirely. What would that feel like, to give myself permission to let go of the things I'm not attached to and even dislike, the things that lost their value long ago?
Those are good questions to ponder.