If it's Friday, how come I feel like it's Monday and the weight of the week still rests on me? Okay, maybe it's those things listed in response to the first how come.
If it's Friday, how come I'm still grading things from earlier this week? That'd be because I had all seven classes turn in stuff to be graded. My bad.
If it's two weeks before the end of classes (and three till the end of the semester), how come it doesn't feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel? That would be me stacking all the classes with half their grades to be earned in the last three weeks of the semester.
I mean, I've got my robe and hood and that weird hat-thing to wear at graduation (can you tell I skipped my own university graduations and that it's been 25 years since high school graduation?), so it should feel like the semester's coming to a close, right? And closure is a good thing, right? So why doesn't it feel like closure? My semesters fly by and they don't ever end with a sense that I've finished what I wanted to teach. Maybe that's good and reflects the real world? We're never done learning and improving, after all.
If my semester is finishing up, then why am I not mentally ready? I mean, I'm primed to dye my hair purple when it's over. Got the dye and everything ready. You know, sort of my mid-life crisis thing where I throw all caution to the wind and go as funky as I'm ever gonna? I was going to do it after the last day classes met (the first week in May), but as I was trying the above-mentioned robe on I realized that the graduation ceremony isn't till the 13th and I probably shouldn't have purple hair, you know? So there's that dye sitting on a shelf and me looking at it. I don't wait well. Once I've decided, I like to move on it, you know?
Truth be told, though, the sense of pressure I feel is not an unwelcome one, not really. I don't like big empty spaces of time with no tasks to do, no deadlines. I'd go a bit batty without a lot of structure and piles of books to read and writing goals in mind and work to do in the garden and geeking it up with the kids, so don't mind me as I engage in a minute of whining over why it doesn't feel like a Friday. :-)
I'm just filling a bit wound up, is all.
But it will pass.
I feel, occasionally, like I'm being observed (just had my evaluation done).
And that I'm missing some bits, you know?
I'm a little frazzled, working to find the balance of just the right amount of frazzling.
Stopping a moment to appreciate the new opportunities is a good idea.
I should remember to do that.
While looking back at those that have already bloomed, of course.
Makes one feel like some things are ticked off the list of to-dos.
I can breathe a little deeper, feel more at ease,
if I but take a moment for reflection.
Old tasks reach completion and new ones wait to be tackled.
I'm just uncomfortable at transition points.
But as my Lily's teacher likes to say, It's all good.