Edna here, ready to offer up these here minutes of the second official meeting of the Stink Creek Book Club. We had us a heck of a reading assignment to discuss; if yall are behind the power curve, you can see what we been busy with over there to the right under Native Voices. And don't forget the reading already on what literature is. I reckon I came to the decision that if it sucks that's what they are calling literature, but that KWombles assured me that it ain't all bad, nor is it all dead white men who were stuffed shirts. And that's why we're focusing on Native voices.
Yu-huh, but the Emperor done glared at me from his perch upon all those dead white men's books he's sitting on and Thelma's got that danged racoon wrapped around her neck and is looking at me. Louise is sitting beside Thelma, her six inch stiletto thigh high boots just the prettiest shade of red, but shew, as attractive as them boots are, they ain't right. Louise oughta act her age, quit wearing them hot pants and them leopard print blouses that leave her so-called "orbs of glory" spilling out for everyone to see, including my husband, who's right now wiggling in the first pew oggling her. I'm gonna ring his neck, that's for sure. Anyways, I guess I'm to hush for now and just record the minutes of our meeting.
The Emperor clears his throat, but ain't no one listening, as we're up at the Sisters of Perpetual Agony in their chapel; that way my buddy Willa can participate, along with Luther, who done went and got himself admitted yet again for his chicken shenanigans. Seems he went wild in the local grocery last week and took all the cans of chicken noodle soup and decided they needed to be set free. There he was, chucking those cans out of the grocery, and they was hitting cars, people, and even his own live chickens that he had tied up at the bike rack. Well, we are gathered here, the nuns are lining all the exits like bouncers, making sure we gonna get some edification, dangit all to heck and back whether we want it or not. I tell ya, it's a hell of a Sunday, it is. Already listened to the preacher at the bar telling us our salvation might be better found at the bottom of a mug than not found at all and all mugs were half off for the last hour of the preaching, so some of us here had to get here in the back of the sheriff's tahoe, as they was more than into their cups but still no closer to salvation. Now we gotta see straight to discuss the creation myths of the folks what was here before us, and KWombles tells us that weren't us, but were the Native Americans. Alright, I'll be quiet for now and record here the Stink Creek Book Club Second Official Meet Up.
Emperor- ahem...I'm glad y'all could join us tonight to discuss these fascinating creation tales brought to our attention by Mrs. Wombles...Can we have a round of applause for Miss Kim? Tonight I think we ought to have the Raisin lead us off in our discussion as he is a bit of an expert on the topic. before we begin is there any business to announce?....yes Miss Louise?
Louise-Well hey there folks. Boy howdy, it sure is nice ta see y'all comin out for some edification an whatnot. I just wanted to announce that me an the silver panthers will be hostin tha next book club meetin down at the senior center. The panthers an me will be doin an interpretive pole dance a sorts actin out tha creation myths an such. There'll be breast poundin an sweat wipin! thats for damn true!
Emperor-Thank you kindly, miss Louise. We are always looking for places to hold our meetings. If anyone would like to volunteer-please see the lovely Thelma at the end of our meeting. And now without further ado...Raisin? Would you care to edify us?
Raisin- Ahem...yes..Creation myths..lovely things these explanations for our very being..the Iroquois story..
Willa-What the hell do the Eyerackis have to do with how the United States was built!?
Raisin..the err uhh..The uhh...
Willa-Dang it all! Now I know some about native americans an such...why I'm one twenty seventh Cherokee..my great great great..
Louise-Hush up now, Willa-He aint talkin bout the Iraqi's! He's trying to talk on the Iroquois...EAR A KWA..iffen y'ad quit yer jabberin you'd of realized that!
Willa-Don't you tell me to hush, Louise!! My very great grandma was an indian princess!
Louise-Indian princess my bodashuss backsi.. Ouch! Mama H?!!
Mama H-Listen here, the Raisin is set on telling us all about this here creation myth and how it's similar to the biblical myths. Yall hush it now so we can get us some edification and get on outa here so we can get us some of my blackberry wine. We ain't having this in the Sister's chapel again unlessin they get the sacramental wine out and share. Ain't nobody no how should have to be edified without libations!
Luther-You is my princess, Willa. I'll share my chickens with you anytime.
Willa-thank you Luther.
Raisin- Uhh..well yes..uuhh..ahem..if you would all look at creation myths from the iroquois..Cusick was Christian and it is my strong belief that this affected the way in which he..
Willa-I am the way the truth and the light!
Edna here interposing to say it ain't nice that while we are up here at the Sisters so that Luther and Willa can participate that Thelma and Louise feel it's alright to be over there snickering about my best bud Willa. She can't help it if she slipped a bit off of her rocker. She stays on the evangelical kick, and she'll be out of here in no time. After all, it's more than alright for folks to wander around and proselytize and it beats the hell out of being scared out of my knickers when she hollers "bully bully" when I open my front door to get the paper.
MamaH- Alright now, folks, I can see you're restless and ready to get down to the business at hand. Raisin, my man, get to it before we lose em all.
Raisin- Ahem..yes..now..You see..if one were to take The creation story from the Bible and compare it to th..
Mayor Percy Bentpole-Now hold on! We aint gonna be comparin the Bible to anything!
Preacher-Amen to that brother!
Willa- Now this needs ta stop! First you got tha iraqi's creatin the good old U.S. of A and now you is tellin me they created the bible! That sure is some ouredee hogwash I'm tellin ya true..What in the name a all things holy is you laughin at Thelma and Louise! I done tha readin! This is ..This is..Blasphemy pure an true..some strange named fella makin ants from sweat and buzzards! Buzzards!! Why the hell didn't he use chickens! A fine American bird!
Willa-y'all don't see folks eatin fried buzzards at tha church social do ya now! I thought we was gonna talk some about literature an such! I got me some fine Harlequins we all could learn from I'll tell you what! Man and woman makin babies! They even got some a that breast beatin and sweaty palms! but ya sure as H E double hockey sticks don't get no ants!
Daddy sore bottom-I have me a couple of aunts. They don't talk much about sweat an such. They is a couple a nice ladies. Don't think they'd care for this creatin stuff none..they never did marry..
Thelma- Daddy sore bottom, did you notice them aunts of yours lived with each other until the day they passed on? They were more than friends, darlin. I tell you what, leave alone the Iroquois story, although that whole turtle thing was something else, the Pima story was pretty as a picture: "In the beginning there was no earth, no water—nothing. There was only a Person, Juh-wert-a-Mahkai " And this Juh man was the doctor of the earth. That's pretty. Ain't it, Emperor, hon? Listen, you wanna go play doctor of the earth? I'll be the earth, and you can try and bring something forth from nothing, ifn you catch my meaning.
Raisin-Ahem, I fear, we're losing even Thelma. Well, Emperor, you could say I did try.
Louise-Oh darlin don't you fret none-you just wait till you see me an the panthers do our interpretive pole dance! Maybe you'd like ta do a little recitin while we're bein excitin!
Raisin- Why yes ..yes..I always was one for the creative arts and such.
Mama H-Aww, Raisin hon, you sure are. Listen here, I reckon what with Luther and Willa busy playing with the chicken, and Milo T and Daddy sorebottom busy playing pinochle in the pews, and the Mayor cozying up to Euvula, we've lost em all. Emperor, close it up, son, let's get on down to the trailer and get some blackberry wine.
Emperor- Well, this was a mighty fine first attempt at discussing literature. I want to thank you all for coming. Please check the church bulletin for the time and date of our next get together. I look forward to seeing you all then.
Edna closing off this meeting's minutes. Everyone pretty much paired off and left me here with the Sisters staring daggers at me as the others lit out without cleaning up the mess. Everyone left their readings in the pews, and ain't that a sight to see, the Iroquois and the Pima creation stories scattered about the hymnals and bibles. It's a melting pot of ideas, ain't it, and it's powerful hard, I reckon to keep clear where them influences begin and end. Bound to happen, since the white man's world won out and the stories might have been helped a bit to blend. No one wants to be the lone person left outa the party, like me here, writing these minutes. Thelma and her crew done taken off to party down at their trailers with MamaH's homebrewed blackberry wine. Luther and Willa done taken that chicken and wandered back to their rooms. Milo T and Daddy sore bottom are off together to find their own answers in the bottle, I reckon, having made a right mess of their lives. I reckon they'll get together with Trussie Begelow down at the town. The mayor and his uptight wife hightailed it out of here. I got the goods on the folks of Stink Creek, I do, and while most not know it, that Thelma and Louise, my nemeses, and their Mama, they own almost every damn thing in this town, and the mayor knows it well. He'll give me my chance next election, but it's gonna take craftiness to get MamaH voted out and me into the President of the Ladies for the Glorification and Edification of Stink Creek. I might prefer me my Harlequin romances, but I can beat them at their game. I'll be ready at the next meeting and I'll dazzle them, even when I'm bored near to tears reading something about keys and language.
I might be against the work, but that KWombles was telling me about a saying that was posted on the door into her college today (sometimes you work with folks you is ideologically opposed to, like me and Thelma), something about responsibility and taking it, and keys to one's destiny, how we all hold them keys. Uh-huh. Well, I tell you what, folks might be holding them keys, but they for damned sure ain't fitting the locks. Maybe that edification stuff is about making sure we make them keys fit the locks. Maybe.
What the hell do I know, though? I'm tired and ready to go on home, sit in my recliner and watch Hoarders off the netflix and wait for that husband of mine to get back from Thelma's. It's a good thing that Hoarders is such a damn good show, or I might be mad that my man prefers my nemeses to coming home with me. That's alright, though. I got me my plans and my shows. Makes me feel right pleased with myself.