Sniffle. Cough. Sniffle. I gave two finals yesterday and coughed and sniffled through them. The second final of the day I just wanted to pass out I felt that bad. So less coughing, more sighing and dramatic slumping back in the chair, "am I dying yet?" flair. I am miserable and thought, what the heck, I'll share that with yall. I'm also grumpy, enough so that my mom told me I was pissy yesterday. SIGH. I am. I found myself growling yesterday when asked a question. Seriously, growling. My children and their vocalizations have grown on me over the years. I'd growl right now if you look at me funny. I'm just saying.
I find this both funny, this irritability, and well, irritating. I hate being one long, raw exposed nerve, but I am. Skin jumpy doesn't even come close to describing things. And yet, I am simultaneously happy. What the frak is that? I love, love, love my job. I get a kick out of my students, and I'm gonna miss this batch as I close out this semester. Yes, I'll have several of them next semester in a new batch of classes and I'm thrilled that they're coming along for the ride. It makes first days way easier when I've got folks I already know.
Okay, ambivalence at the end of a semester makes sense. I'm both happy to see it conclude and sorry to see it finished. I'm excited about the new classes I get to teach in the spring and the changes I'm going to implement in the current courses, based on my experiences this semester. But I'm also looking at four weeks off (well, not entirely off as I'm teaching a minimester online and I've got frakloads of work to do to get ready for the spring), and I don't do empty time well. I like structure, deadlines, and busy-ness. Two of those weeks the girlies will be off, so that will help with empty time, at least.
I guess what we're really down to here is that change is something I struggle with. It's like having to switch from my capri pants back to long ones. One or the other, but for Pete's sake, I don't want to wear capris one day and long britches the next and then back again.
Oy. My kids come by their issues naturally. I am a bundle of live, sniffling, coughing wires, pinging all over the place at the potentialities of the next month with no immediate deadlines breathing down my neck. All those possibilities. I want to do them all, now, together, at the same time! Plus, I also want to go back to bed and sleep until the coughs and the sniffles are over. I'm pretty sure I can't do all of these things at once, though.