It’s busy here; no time to scour the interwebz looking for woo and silliness; thankfully some of it comes right to my mailbox.
Are you worn down? Tired all the time? In need of energy? Well, for the low, low price of 19.95 you can have your energy restored, your fatigue banished, and your wallet lighter (must have been the cash weighing folks down and draining their energy)! It’s the new, amazing iRenew bracelets!
Your “biofield” is all whacked out. You NEED these bracelets! How can you not? I mean, the site features real stories from real people! You gotta believe real people! These awesomely awesome bracelets rebalance your biofield and restore you to WELLNESS!
Oh my gods, how can you not buy, buy, buy? You’ll get two for the price of one!
Hey, listen, I can make you prettier bracelets with crystals way cheaper and you can pretend it aligns your chakras, if you like.