4/13/2010

Mamma H Visits: The Wee Raisin and Blackberry Wine

Kim: Providing me a break and you, dear friends, with a humorous and risqué break from all things autism is Mamma H sans the Raisin (who appears to have decided to rest up at the Sisters for awhile; either that or Mamma H has decided she needs the rest and hasn't gone to fetch him home again).


Mamma H: Lands sake alive, it's Mamma H here, done escaped from the bedroom and the Raisin. I don't rightly know the fools who come up with them there hard-on pills, but they wasn't kiddin bout that there priapism. And don't you just know that my little Raisin insisted we keep on agoin right up to the magic four hours? And then we had us a little trip on up to the Sisters, of course, with the Raisin laid out in the back of Thelma's pickup, the littlest raisin just astandin at attention, as we blitzed through the downtown of Stink Creek, me holding onto my walker, spread out beside the Raisin as Thelma cussed up a storm in the cab.

Sure, the townfolks of Stink Creek are mighty easy-goin, but even with Louise and all her lessons at the senior citizen center, they sure weren't ready for the sight of us parade-style: the Raisin laid out with his flagpole awavin and me in my bedroom attire; got us some lovely deals on the see-through black lacy stuff in one of them discount magazines, so I was all decked out is what I'm saying. Not bad for 91, neither. Hah, lordy, but it is a real pleasure to make the less-than-upstanding folks of Stink Creek get a hitch in their step, so to speak.

Well, we got ourselves up to the Sisters' in no time flat, but the Raisin hadn't deflated despite the wind. Course, the sisters ain't got around to replacing Milo T, so there weren't nobody to greet us when we got there. Thelma carried the Raisin in, cradled in her arms, still cussin up a storm. She hollered down the hallways to Luther, who might as well move on up there, much time as he's a spending there. He and his niece Larinda, the one that freaked Milo T out, came arunning down the hallway. Both stopped short at the sight of the Raisin and his raisin, which was waving a mighty weak hello at this point. Apparently, after four hours of being stretched to his glory, my Raisin, bless him, was beginning to really not enjoy the sensation, so he was a moaning and not in pleasure. Of course, me in all my stooped glory behind Thelma and the Raisin was also quite startling, my orbs tossed over my shoulders, so the first thing Larinda did, sweet girl, was run and grab me a hospital gown before the nuns got to us.

We could hear the nuns a racing down the hallway towards us while the Raisin's moaning grew ever louder. Hell, there were skid marks on the floor by the time the nuns came to a stop. I admit the Raisin has a fine specimen, and all, but I really don't think it warrants a double take and backing up like he was a demon. Lordamighty. I swung my orbs of glory back down to where they belonged, finished getting the gown over my black lace, and scootched my walker towards those nuns and let them have whatfor. Thelma laid the Raisin on the bed of the nearest exam room, and I started wrustling those nuns in to help my raisin.

They got in there, all busy with crossin themselves like they ain't seen a poor purple penis before on a little old wrinkly raisin, and one of them finally decided to get her act together. She's one of the younger ones, Sister Joachim is, and she jumped right into action, got the poor Raisin's vitals while the other nuns chitchattered amongst themselves like they was horrified over the whole situation.

I got in their faces, let my hospital gown that I was wearing backwards fall open, which helped get their attention, and told em they had about three seconds before them orbs of mine started swinging. Now since they hang to my waist, they're damn near as good as Thelma and Louise's purses. That got the sisters moving, and one ran to get the doctor, one of my old beaus who would, unfortunately be immune to the orbs, having spent all the time he wished on em some fifty years prior. We're an aging community in Stink Creek, damn shame of it.

Luther and Larinda were hanging in the doorway, so I went and marshalled em. I got nothing but time on my hands, so I am one right google scholar, I am. If you're gonna play with viagra, you better know what the risks is. Got them running after the ice and some benadryl, cause that good doctor was for sure gonna take his sweet ass time getting to my Raisin.

The nuns had fanned out and were ringed around the Raisin, a prayin up a storm. Sister Joachim had got him an IV in and was giving him morphine, having called the doc on her cell phone. That damn doc's a few years older than me, so just gettin down to the ER was gonna take half an hour, and we were into hour five of the erection. Now that ain't nothing to shake a stick at, and I'm gonna recommend if you're in hour two of an erection, making good use of it probably ain't the smartest thing to do.

We got some benadryl into the Raisin, packed around his pecker good with the ice, and was waiting on the doc. By the time that doc finally got there, the Raisin was snoring and the wee raisin was on its way back down.

Louise showed on up with my clothes and a jar of my blackberry wine that I done hid from them gals. We all went on down to the sisters' Subway and had us a nice old supper with the nuns running the place, and even passed the blackberry wine around a couple times. All while the Raisin slept it off at the Sisters with Luther, Larinda, and the chickens that for some reason were roaming the hallways, all keeping an eye on him and the wee raisin.

Nice break if I do say so myself.

...You can read more of Mamma H and the Raisin, Thelma and Louise at EDHF.

No comments: