An Angel Needs Answers About Women: The Women of RFID and Mamma H (and some of their menfolks) lay some on him


One of the beauties of friendships is that when one of us gets asked a question, we can do a group huddle and figure out how best to respond. With Mamma H throwing her writing pencil into the ring, we can now offer the perspective of five women, a raisin, the emperor, and a raccoon. It's a powerful thing, certainly, and one that should only be utilized for the really big questions like "What's up with women? Why are they such pains in the asses?"

An internet friend recently asked me some questions at Countering about women, so we're going to do our best to answer, both seriously and with a fair amount of humor because if you can't laugh, whatever is the point?

We'll all chime in where we feel we have something to offer. The raisin and the emperor may even offer a thought. Between the two of them, they've been through a fair share of women, and Thelma tells me she, Mamma H and Louise have been through more men than they've been through Wild Turkey and Boone's Farm, so I imagine they'll have plenty to offer. Whether it's of any help or not or instead drives you directly to the bottle, well, that's another thing entirely.

Questions will be be inset and bolded and the responders will have their name at the beginning so you don't lose track of who the wisdom or bullshit is coming from.

"Some females are all about their feelings and you considering them? What is that mean and how do you do that?"

Not all women are the same, but most people in a relationship want to know that their partner cares about them and considers their feelings before doing certain things.

So, many women might be upset if their partner is going to be late and doesn't call or text to let them know ahead of time. Or, they might be upset if you left the house without saying goodbye. Some might not care. You should ask direct questions of your partner. You could try something along the lines of, "I'm not good at figuring out what other people want. I know what I want in certain situations, but I also know that maybe others wouldn't want the same thing. If you tell me what you want, then I will try to remember that."

Thelma: Well now, ain't nothing we like better on a Friday night in Stink Creek than to sit a spell, drink us some and chatter with each other. As of late, what with Mamma H and the raisin chasin us out of the trailer with their runnin around nakkid and such, Louise and I have been spendin us some time at the bingo parlor, listenin to the seniors chat about their relationships. Folks come to Louise from far and wide for love life questions, so she's bound to give you some tips for the boudoir that might make for a distraction, anyways.

Now, we all have feelins and some of us are of the idea that our feelins are more important than the partners. Don't know if ya got that goin on there, Mr. Angel, so I won't reckon it is. I'll reckon ya'll is miscommunicatin and it's frustratin for the two of ya. Wait til ya'll are calm like, in the afterglow, then be right careful, and ask her, "hon, ya know I wanna make ya happy, but ya are like a raccoon with a coin in a river. Can ya give me a glimpse in there of what ya want. Ifn I don't know, how can I give it." Take the coin away first, though, or ya are bound to never get an answer.

Kathleen-I think that is just means that they want to be considered when you make a decision, or choose a course of action. For every action there is a reaction.

They would like to be asked. "How are you?" "What would you like to do?" "Would it upset you if I...?" "What can I do for you?"
"What do you think about this?" They would also like to know what you think.

Louise-Cause darlin, some women want ta be seen as more than a source a glorious release! There's a head between those bosoms and it aint yours!

"What are the rules, procedures and algorithm to do this?"

Unfortunately, theory of mind in neurotypical females is also impaired. There are many selfish women out there who refuse to consider the men in their lives and what they might want. There are even country songs for this.

Thelma: Noddin yes, looking like ya care and are interested even if ya ain't go along ways. And ifn she asks ya, "Did you hear me?," just answer, "Yes, dear." and repeat the last line of what she said. Don't sigh neither when you do it or look at her cross-eyed.

Kathleen- Action + reaction =outcome. You must also consider the variables.

variables include likes, dislikes, physical feelings. There are variables to the action besides variables to the reaction. If you hone in on what those variables are, you will have a more predictable outcome. So if your inclination is to say "I would like to go and be by myself for a little bit" you have to look at the variables..has she said she is tired or sad or overworked stressed out, calm..etc. By knowing the variable or root of what her mood is you can frame the question in a more positive way. If she is cranky you could say "Hey, would you mind if I took a little time by myself..or would you like me to do something for you?" You would get a better response than if you didn't acknowledge her state of being. It will give you more control of the outcome.

Louise..sugah, there aint no rhyme or reason ta bein with a woman. Ya aint tha tha first fella ta ask that question, ya won't be tha last. I'll tell ya true, it keeps gals like me workin overtime! Boy howdy! Iffen I had a nickle for every time a gentleman asked me "Miss Louise? What all DO they want?" I'd be a wealthy gal!

Sometimes a fella just wants a soft bosom ta rest there heads and accessories..
Why do some females fight over mundane things like dresses? What is the logic behind this?

Kim -There is no logic behind this, just pure animal emotions. Plus, do you mean physically fight over it or argue about a style? Those are very different things. I have never fought over a dress in order to be able to buy it. For one, I don't care enough. Two, if there aren't seven other dresses/shirts/pants in different colors exactly like it, I don't want it anyway. I wish I were kidding, but I'm really not. I like my clothes to feel the same way, so if I can't get multiple variations on most outfits, then I'm not buying it.

Thelma: I recollect one year Louise and I had drove on up to Lexington to go shoppin for some more of them hot pants she likes to wear. They was on sale and all, and the store was about to bust with women of advanced years and advancing bosoms just a droopin out. There was a fair amount of caterwaulin over some of the more outlandish prints, as I recall. Louise had her eye on a pair of watermelon print hot pants, but so did this little old grandma, right near Mamma H's age, and she was mighty spry with that walker of hers. She came a barellin over for it just as Louise had set her hands on them, the only pair they had left. Shewey, bosoms flailin, hand awavin, and a fair amount of cursin ensued as they haggled out who was gonna go home with them watermelon pants. Well, I waded right in and offered the grandma a sip from my flask of Wild Turkey and a fiver, and Louise went home with them watermelon pants. She even had some teeny tiny spiky heels that a huge plastic wedge a watermelon on the front. She was such a sight!

What I'm sayin is, there ain't no accountin for taste, nor for what a woman will decide she cain't live without. That, and thank the lord we're all different. Ain't gettin me in watermelon pants unless ya wait til I went and met my maker.

Kathleen- I have no idea. It could be because our society has changed. Men are no longer the sole hunters and women aren't just the gatherers. Perhaps it's a form of hunting? Maybe they are bored..or looking for an outlet for anger or frustration?

Louise-Thelma my gal! Now y'all didn't have ta waste your turkey on that droopy bosomed bag a bones! Cue balls in sweat socks is what they was! kind a hynotizin tha way they was swayin back an forth all pendulum like. Well hell, I'da wrapped em round her head till she was lookin like one a them floppy eared bunnies. Hop hop hop! Thats for damn true. Imagine her thinkin she could fill them watermelon pants tha way tha good lord intended them ta be filled. It'd be like puttin a condom on a vienna sausage! Boy howdy! Wheres tha beef?
"When you question it they say you will never understand? Why do they say that?"
Kim: Because they don't understand it.

Thelma: Yup, I agree. Anytime ya get a hysterical female ahollerin you'll never understand, best accept ya won't and go buy her some chocolate. And roses. Also, say ya are plum sorry. And ya won't do it again. Then get the hell out of there until the mood passes her by.

Kathleen-if anyone ever says that to you again say "try me." Sometimes people like to be coaxed...a lot.

Louise-Darlin? Don't say nothin. Just sigh an shake yer head and tell her ya aint good enough for her. Then get tha hell out a there. She'll find herself all lonely and havin feminine needs an such..in time she'll realize it aint always in tha understandin, but in tha doin. Ding dong! bootys a callin!
"Why do some females expect a male to read their minds? Why don't they just state and specifiy what they want?"
Kim: I blame it on Edward, the vampire. Fiction, both in movies, television and books like Twilight make women think that if a man really loves a woman, he will get her, understand her and fulfill her. They think that's real and haven't been sat down and explained that the only way a woman gets what she wants is to be point blank upfront about it. It saves a lot of time and a lot of heartache to just ask and be done with it. Of course, that presumes she will, in fact, know what she wants.

Thelma: Some women are crazier than bedbugs. Than my Louise's beloved Baretta. Than a wolfe howlin at the moon. Of course, I am a big believer in askin for what I want and then takin it. Seems to me it sure beats beatin around the bush. Listen, though, some women cain't help it. They don't mean no harm by it. They ain't never considered how damn silly that sounds. Turn it around on her and ask her how come she don't get you? How come she don't do every little last thing ya been wantin all without ya havin to blink for it. Nah, that'd piss her off, just think it and grin.
Be direct with her, but sweet. Tell her ya care about her and want to make her happy and you could use some input.

Kathleen-I think that it is considered a stigma to state exactly what you want as a woman-that some how it removes femininity. Silly isn't it?

Louise- Now I don't have no problems expressin what I'm feelin an such. So I got me one a them "honk if your horny an whatnot" bumper stickers..lets me know what other folks is thinkin on. Gets damn noisy at times with all the honkin an wavin..but at least I know what folks is feelin. Pretty damn horny! Thats for damn true!
"If their is a way to read their minds how do you do that?"
Kim: If you really know her well, she's been honest about what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it, then you apply those things to the situation. If you know she doesn't like it when you make a big purchase without asking her thoughts about it, you know that to demonstrate you care, you should let her in on the decision. If you know she likes roses on Valentine's Day, then you should get her roses. It's really that simple. If you have difficulties remembering things, taking notes, making reminders for yourself are okay. You have to use whatever tools you need to so that you can demonstrate you care. You need to be upfront, too, though, in a nonconfrontational way. If you don't understand, ask when you are both calm, prefacing it with the fact that you don't get it and could she please elaborate.

Thelma: Been with my mamma for sixty years and while I gots me a fair idea of when I need to stay the hale away from her so she cain't smack me with the walker, I ain't figured her out yet, and she gave birth to me. Mind-readin is a myth. NTs ain't got no better a theory of mind in most cases than anyone with autism has. Went over and read some of them posts at the forum ya linked to Kim with. Gotta tell ya, they strike me as whiny dumbasses who wanna feel superior. Don't pay em no nevermind and ifn your significant other thinks talking about your personal business like that is okay, tell her if she cared for you, she'd work it out with you, and a head shrinker if ya need some extra input. Ain't no good can come out of that forum. Nosirree.

Mamma H: Gonna say my bit in one spot. The raisin's warmin back up, so I ain't got me lots of time to play the interweavin game.

Here's what I think about relationships. Most the time they are a huge pain in the ass. The rest of the time makes up for that. If you picked yourself the right one, if you both are in it for keeps, then you work through the rough times. You do that by making allowances for the other person. If one person is inflexible, it ain't gonna work.

Most important thing you can do. Both of you. Decide to let go of the bad shit. Don't hold the other in contempt. Looked at that forum thing, too. Big thing I noticed was the contempt the autistic partner was held in and how they all thought they was superior. Those aren't good relationships. They ain't the thickandthin relationships.

Kathleen-what Kim said. Plus figuring out body signals..i.e. rubbing head means headache, rubbing eyes means tired, kicking off shoes and flopping down in chair means she had a busy day..things like that

Louise- givin tha woman what she wants when she wants it! OOOOH I like tha sound a that!

Raisin- Son, if you find yourself a woman, a womanly woman...full of life and zest..like my Hazel..You grasp on and take the ride of your life. I do not pretend to understand what my lovely flower feels or wants at every moment. I love her and respect her and pray to all that is holy that my heart or my little blue pills do not run out. I give and she receives and vice versa. It can be consuming. Alas, that is what happens when you have met your true love. Hazel, my dove, my saucy little giblet..come to me, the night is young, the boudoir awaits, come my cheeky little chicken! Are you ready to be plucked? Let me be your bandy legged rooster..pass me my walker and allow me to strut for you.

Emperor-I must say, that the best advice may come from books. I have found in my experience that the works of Sappho may aid you in your journey.


Cube Angel said...

These are excellent answers. This means what if what we aspie men do are mostly guy things?

Here is another question. If they're not happy with their husbands then the solution is simple. Why don't they just leave? One woman from their said we aspies have no feelings and we were like human computers.

She said it on ABFH's site.
"You are a bulling blog of Aspies no different than the way my Aspie husband bullies his family. It's pathetic when the truth is exposed: The truth being that you Aspies are unbearable to live with for a normal feeling human being. Because you have NO feelings nothing, you are like human computers and nothing more. And the shit I put up with so my three children will have a roof over their heads. The shit my children put up with such as explosions of anger because you are frustrated. Oh woe is me... Maxine is GOD because she speaks the truth about you sickies. I know, for I am a NT married to an Aspie male and would love it when I no longer have to ever see his face ever again!

Thanks to Maxine and counselors like her, I have learned to survive, and to do my best living with his utter lack of feelings, lack of friends, and the most boring personality ever because he does the same things over and over again. Never should he learn to do something different for a change. Change? Why? The guy can't even take a vacation and have fun because it disrupts his routine.

No dears, Maxine hit it right on the head. PLEASE, Aspies marry only Aspies. Don't put NT's in your life. You will ruin the spirit of joy an NT feels. Get you're own match-making site, and find each other leave NT's alone!"

I did react with alot of anger and I shouldn't have.

Cube Angel said...

If these women are what I think they are. These type of women are go-getters and you can't satisfy them no matter what you do. Everything you do is wrong in their eyes. Nothing seems to please them. They're ad-hoc and have no system to them. Their is no routine with them. These woman are demanding.

I would love to hear what the aspie husbands have to say. I bet they have alot to say as well.

By the way, John Best Jr. has given advice on how to deal with women. I have seen that advice implemented multiple times and it does not work. I may not know what works but I do know what will not work.

Belinda the Nobody said...

That... what? O.o;
What a witch.

Also, she contradicted herself there:
'Because you have NO feelings nothing,'

'put up with such as explosions of anger because you are frustrated'

'utter lack of feelings'

Um.. yeah... last I knew, anger and frustration were, in fact, feelings...

KWombles said...

Cube, I imagine they are mostly men things. I also, having looked at that forum, think the problem is not with the Asperger partner. It's with the person writing the posts.

My honest recommendation is right behind Mamma H's and the whole idea of contempt. If your partner looks at you with contempt, get out of the relationship. Unless the partner is willing to see a therapist and work out a healthier way of dealing with frustrations, you are better served being alone than with someone who despises you.

If you're just having run-of-the-mill communication problems, then you need to work on that, and on options. A good marriage requires unconditional support, a willingness to be flexible, to work together, and an absolute commitment to see the best in one's partner, not the worst.

The person posting on ABFH's site sounds like a mean, bitter person best to be avoided.

Cube Angel said...


I should've noticed that contradiction myself. Why I didn't I do not know. You're right. She contradicted herself. She makes me so freaking angry and I want to melt down.

Kim and Mamma H why do these women have contempt for their husbands so much?

Mamma H and the Raisin said...

Cube, darling, the Raisin and I have been chewing on that question all night. Contempt sure is a nasty emotion; let's you step all over folks and feel good about it. These folks ain't nice, and probably feel that way about most folks in their lives.

Now, I know my Thelma and Kim, too, say it fairly regularly, and it's well worth the remembering: some folks is just asses. They ain't nice, ain't never gonna be. So, when you tag these people, avoid em. If you're married to 'em, get the hell out of there. Ain't right to live with someone who sees you as a thing, as something to be stepped on and trampled. Ain't no sense in living that way, so ifn you are, you should work to change that. If you aren't, be glad of that.